by K.A. Rose
House, M.D. characters trademark ™ 20th Century Fox, 2004-2006. Used without permission, for non-profit fan appreciation. Story excerpts and title are from Oscar Wilde's fairy tale, "The Selfish Giant".
This was a minific written for Wilde Lamassu as a get-well/birthday gift. She got the original, with illustrations. The rest of you are just gonna have to suffer my poor dialogue.
Rated PT:LS. Set during the roommates arc. I'm not sure I should even warn about the Wilson/House, since it's such a given in the show by this point.
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"One day the Giant came back. He had been to visit
his friend the Cornish ogre, and had stayed with him for seven years."
"Seven years, that's commonlaw in some states."
"Not Cornwall. Anyway, After the seven years
were over he had said all that he had to say, for his conversation was
limited, and he determined to return to his own castle. When he arrived
he saw the children playing in the garden.
"'What are you doing here?' he cried in a very
gruff voice, and the children ran away.
"'My own garden is my own garden,' said the Giant;
'any one can understand that, and I will allow nobody to play in it but
myself.'"
"What kind of Giant voice is that?"
"Turkish."
"It sounded Australian."
"You're never satisfied, are you."
"What's this thing in my mouth? Stupid folk remedy
placebo effect--"
"It's a thermometer. I'd hoped you would recognize
one. So he built a high wall all round it, and put up a notice-board.
'TRESPASSERS WILL BE--"
"This is cartoonish. You've even got a--
an ice pack on my forehead, and tissues and a bankie. It's one stupid
fever."
"If you're that opposed to getting your temperature
taken orally, we could try another way. So he built a high wall all
round it, and put up a notice-board. 'Trespassers will be prosecuted.'
He was--"
"Bored to death by his roommate, the Cornish ogre."
"It's this or your clinic hours."
"I'm content to be too sick to move. I don't see
where the gross exploitation comes in. Where are your clinic hours?"
"I sign for your meds, I make your house calls.
Come on. I'll make you chicken soup."
"...What, from scratch?"
"Real chicken and real soup. I'll even use the real
bowls, since you've got that pathetic puppy dog look going on."
"Have Chase come by to read. His accent's more convincing."
"Can't; don't want to contaminate the entire Diagnostics
department. You already said Cameron was the one who spread it to you,
though I'm not sure I want to know how."
"She spit in my coffee."
"..."
"It's a kink of hers or something."
"And Foreman?"
"Stole my coffee."
"Your kids are kind of brats."
"You'd think the cane would get them."
"Well. So long as I keep away from your mucus membranes
I should be fine. Do you need your pillow adjusted?"
"Exactly what was the Giant? Annoyed? Repressing
feelings about the Cornish ogre? Fined by the city for violating building
codes?"
"Selfish. Although I wouldn't really discount the
ogre part. It never goes into it."
"You don't actually want to be fine, do you."
"What?"
"Not having Chase over because of 'contamination'...
You want to get sick off me. To avoid that divorce counsel meeting
with Julie on Thursday."
"I never even told you about that."
"There was dirt on the inward side of your left
shoe..."
"Oh god. You're getting delirious, aren't you."
"It means you've been depressed lately."
"It means you've been huffing glue."
"Actually I just read your mail."
"Feel my relief, knowing that our code of boundaries
is still intact."
"You said there was soup? I'll let you eat with
my spoon to speed things along."
"You're so generous, really."
"Remember that. Can we just skip to the happily
ever afters? General Hospital's coming on."
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finished at 01:18, 18 April 2006.
No immune systems were harmed in the making of this fanfic.